Recently I have realized that a large part of the "trudging through mud" feeling I am experiencing after 14 months of service in Zambia has to do with the nature of community development work. When I explain my frustrations to those at home in America, the common question is "why do you think these things are happening?" And every time I am asked this question, I am at a loss for words. The reality is this: I still do not know. After 14 months of intense community development work, I still do not know much. I have to admit that to myself at the end of every day, which is exhausting. I do not know why villagers either fail to show up to meetings, or show up 3 hours late. I do not know why the majority of men won't wear condoms, why 13 year old girls are getting pregnant, why so many women giving birth at home wait until the last minute to decide they are in an emergency situation. I do not know why the builder of our mother's shelter is working incredibly slowly and failed to show up to our weekly meeting... after I biked a total of 3 hours up and down dusty hills in 95 degree weather to meet with him. I do not know why, after I raised the money to fix our community water pump, our village has yet to form a water pump committee and neglected to tell me that one of our pipes has a fixable leak (I thought it was drying up). Deflection of personal responsibility, I guess. The 'it's just okay' mentality.
It is the moments with my host family that keep me here, to be quite honest. It is the feeling that I have more love to explore with them. I do not want to give up on them, this village, or this work. I have glints of hope each day that the tiniest ounce of change can happen in my village. I still have that unexplainable intuitive feeling in my heart and in my gut that I am still supposed to be here in Zambia, doing what I am doing. One of my volunteer friends recently told me that I need to try not to take disappointments in my village so personally. I am working on taking disappointments less personally, but I know that it's not in my nature to just not care. And I hope that one day, this aspect of my personality and approach to life-long community development work will help to facilitate change, big and small. Maybe taking community development work personally means that I am meant to do this work, because I believe deep down that the people with whom I work have the ability to come together to create change and improve their lives. I believe in the power of community, and I hope that even this belief is what it takes to keep on keeping on.
No comments:
Post a Comment