Thursday, April 24, 2014

Transformations

The sun decided to sleep for five days.  April is supposed to be dry and full of sunshine in order to dry and harvest the maize; instead, the Earth decided to rain and freeze.  In Zambia, I have acquired the perspective that if one day is difficult, the next day, a new day, will balance out the previous one.  But we had to wait, shivering under covers and huddled around fires.  I read Kerouac, went through weeks of thought in just a few days, and then sweated out yet another fever.  But mostly, I felt the weight and transformation of these last months in Zambia take root in my body.

For the first time in my life, I do not know exactly what is coming next, and I am actually at peace with that reality.  In fact, it feels quite freeing.  There's no reason to be scared-- I am twenty four years old with the whole world to continue exploring and experiencing.  I have a new-found trust that my spirit and the beautiful, supportive people around me will lead me well.  As long as I continue feeling passion, love, gratitude, and curiosity, all will be ok.

In Zambia, I have learned when to push through a hard day, biking around from clinic to village meetings from sun-up to sun-down.  I have also learned when to just take it easy, stay in bed an extra hour, take time to go for a run or simply weed sweet potato fields with my family.  I have learned how to be sick by myself, how to be lonely and even scared in my mud hut by myself.  I have learned to laugh at the men who try and harass me in town.  I have learned that my village will do absolutely anything to protect me.  It is all really indescribable, the things I have come to understand about myself and the world while living in this little village across the globe.

Our health post challenges are slowly working themselves out.  Our project committee is finally taking more ownership of the building process, and it makes me happy to feel a bit of weight taken off my shoulders.  Our pre-school plans are coming together, our HIV support group is strong and so enjoyable to work with (I even went to a meeting last week with a fever just because I knew the group would brighten my day).  All in all, I am doing my best and letting go of the things I cannot change or carry alone.  Development takes the strength of an entire community.